you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
