I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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