Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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