He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
