You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
