so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
