Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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