So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
