I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
