We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Someone shattered a urinal.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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