it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
