somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
