When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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