Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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