nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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