Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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