Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
