JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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