I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think my moral compass just broke
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize