just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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