I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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