i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
