She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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