JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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