does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
