connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
