And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
