after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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