I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
