everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
