The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
