im about as happy as oj after his trial
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
