Screwed.edu
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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