I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
the liver wants what the liver wants
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
