the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
