she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
