I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
