we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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