two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
