So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
