Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
