the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
