I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
should my penis look like a turkey
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
