rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
