i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
