they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
