I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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