so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
