why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
