So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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