I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
