that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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