We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
