i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
