Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
