3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
