How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
