you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
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We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
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The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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