the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
