I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
