He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
