just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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