If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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