Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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