i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
