Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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