I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
