He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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