I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
