I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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