kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
