i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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