I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
