So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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